


Things never stay a secret forever

by Simbanrat



Series: Not everything is as it seems [2]
Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:13:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24632878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Simbanrat/pseuds/Simbanrat
Summary: Callum helped Ben to escape from an abusive relationship and they are now happy together. Ben is healing and Callum is right there by his side.A continuation of 'Not everything is as it seems', best to read that first.
Relationships: Ben Mitchell/Original Male Character(s), Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Series: Not everything is as it seems [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1781023
Comments: 20
Kudos: 102





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't intend to continue writing this story, but once I posted the last chapter I felt like I wanted to write more. I was happy with the way the original one ended but I felt like we all needed some closure with the ex. I'd recommend reading the other one first before reading this. There are references to domestic violence in this story but nothing graphic.

After their declarations of love to one another things had been going great. 

Well, great except for the wobble Ben had after their first kiss. The fireworks exploding, brass band playing, hitting a bullseye kiss. It had seemed too perfect, too much like a dream come true that Ben freaked out. Immediately afterwards was calm, Callum had stroked Ben’s face and gazed at him with actual hearts in his eyes, Ben swore he saw them dancing across the other man’s iris’ and he felt his heart fluttering in return. They seemed to stand forever outside the pub, just touching and looking at each other, neither quite believing that what they had been thinking about for weeks was actually happening.

They decided to take things slow, they both might have fallen in love with each other, but they didn’t want to rush it, so Callum thought he should go home and then meet again the following day, deciding that spending the night might be a bit overwhelming for them both. Ben wanted to stop him from going, had wanted to reach out and touch his arm to get him stay there with him, but he didn’t want to come across as needy. He knew he was already skating dangerously close to that label, he hadn’t made the best first impression on Callum with his damsel in distress situation and he was feeling embarrassed that the other man had seen him at his most vulnerable. So rather than reaching out and hugging Callum close, tightly holding on and not letting go, he let Callum softly stroke his hair and kiss his forehead while Ben closed his eyes. When he opened them Callum smiled and walked away, turning back and smiling one more time before rounding the corner. 

Ben had stood glued to the spot for what seemed like forever, but was probably only a matter a minutes. His feelings of pure joy and love started to fade away the further Callum moved away from him and he suddenly felt cold in the warm spring night. He had a horrible feeling that come the morning Callum would realise what a mistake it was to kiss him and Ben decided he needed a drink. He turned back to the pub and pushed the door open to go back inside, spotting Jay sitting in a corner with Lola. He stopped off at the bar to get a round, already knowing what his friends drank, and took the drinks over to join them. They seemed surprised to see Ben, last time they saw him he was leaving the pub with a cute guy, but they figured it hadn’t worked out, Ben could be a bit much for some people. Before Michael he was out getting drunk and hooking with a different guy every night, that’s not for everybody.

They didn’t ask what was wrong, but Ben was clearly in mood for drinking, draining the vodka he bought for himself pretty quickly before getting himself another. “Look Ben, I know you’re probably missing Michael” Jay started and Ben screwed his face up in disgust at the suggestion, but didn’t say a word in reply so Jay continued, “but it’s not a good idea to go back to how you were before him. You made some real progress when you were with him. Don’t let yourself fall back into bad habits”. Ben considered what Jay said while he subconsciously touched his healed arm at the mention of his ex, but simply announced they needed a another round before heading back to the bar. Jay and Lola gave each other a knowing look. Ben had never been very good at talking about his feelings. 

After far too many drinks, Jay helped Ben back to his flat while Lola walked across the road to the Beale house. Ben was pretty bloody drunk, stumbling along with his arm slung over Jay for support and seemingly tripping over fresh air along the way. When they got to his front door Jay started looking in Ben’s pocket for his keys while he steadied him against the wall. With Jay up close to him, Ben tried to focus on his face “I don’t miss ‘im u’no” he said as he tried his best to see the other man, there were a couple of him floating about in front of him at that point. “E ‘urt me”. Jay found the keys and started to open the door, “E really ‘urt me Jay” Ben repeated as Jay helped to get him inside, “I know mate” he replied half heartedly, not understanding what Ben really meant and thinking that he was just missing his ex. He managed to get Ben to the bedroom and allowed him to fall face first onto the bed before shoving him onto his side, his face hanging over the edge of the bed. It didn’t take long until he was snoring so Jay took his shoes off and shoved his legs around and left a glass of water and paracetamol by the bed for him before leaving to go home. 

Ben’s head was banging in the morning and he had to rush for the toilet as soon as he woke up, barely making it in time. He collapsed back on the bed and cursed his own stupidity at drinking so much, grateful when he spotted a glass of water and tablets waiting for him on his bedside table. After half an hour of wallowing in his pit, he jumped in the shower and started to feel better, the painkillers helping to ease his head and the warm water waking him up and refreshing him. He chucked some clothes on and decided to head to the cafe to get some greasy food, grabbing his phone on the way out the door. 

Luckily his mum was working and when she saw the state her son was in, she directed him over to a table and brought over a cup of coffee and an extra large fried breakfast. Lola had mentioned to her the previous night that Ben was in a funny mood and drinking a lot, so she wasn’t surprised when he walked in looking so rough. Ben always hit the self destruct button when he was hurting or upset, she’d already seen him hooking up with men and here was the excess drinking. She, like Jay and Lola, assumed it was because of the end of his relationship with Michael and they worried he was going to fall back into bad habits. They didn’t have a clue that the reason Ben had drank so much was because he was worried he’d blown it with Callum before it had even begun. 

Ben felt better as soon as he had some greasy food in his stomach, and once he’d finished off his coffee he picked up his phone. He hadn’t looked at it since he went back into the pub the night before and tried to drink all of their vodka single handedly. He was surprised to see 4 messages from Callum. The first was just a heart emoji, sent a few minutes after he had left Ben outside the Vic, the second was a note to let him know that Callum had got home safe. The third was a message to say good night and the fourth was one he’d sent an hour ago, while Ben was in the shower, to say good morning. Ben crossed his arms on the table in front of him and allowed his head to thump down on top of them. “You twat” he mumbled to himself. Kathy came over to collect the empty plate and cup and asked Ben if he was OK, Ben mumbled something incoherent into the table and Kathy touched his shoulder and gave it a squeeze before gathering the crockery and taking it back to the kitchen. 

Ben had spent most of the night convincing himself that Callum didn’t really want him, he just felt sorry for him and didn’t want to be rude when Ben had said he loved him. He figured that once Callum got home he would realise it was easier to cut contact and he wouldn’t hear from him again. Now he knew he was wrong. Callum wouldn’t have text him like that if he was trying to brush him off. While Ben’s head was still resting if on his arms he heard his phone vibrate as another message came through. Ben pulled himself together and looked at the message, ‘are you ok? I’ve not heard from you’. Ben wanted to kick himself, if he hadn’t blown it last night he was in danger of doing it now. He quickly gave Callum a call to apologise for the radio silence and they arranged to meet later that day for lunch, Ben thankful that he hadn’t fucked if all up after all. 


	2. Chapter 2

So yeah, after his wobble things with Callum were going really great. They had been seeing each other for about a month, but Ben had yet to tell his family he was seeing somebody. He wasn’t sure what the problem was but there was something that was stopping him from introducing them to his new boyfriend. Callum didn’t mind, he was happy to let Ben set the pace of the relationship. He had been waiting since the first time he set eyes on Ben in the E20 that night, he would wait as long as Ben needed to feel comfortable to make the introductions. They spent most of their time away from the square, having dates up west or staying over at Callum’s bedsit where they had little chance of running into people Ben knew. 

They were laying in bed together, snuggled up and relaxed from a late night love making session, Callum on his back and Ben curled into his side with his head resting on Callum’s chest and hand on his stomach.”I love you, you know that don’t you” Ben announced into the darkness of the room, he felt the hand that was on his shoulder tighten a bit, “of course, I love you too” Callum said as he moved to kiss the top of Ben’s head, kissing the sweaty mop firmly. “Why?” The older man enquired. “I don’t want you to think I don’t care because I’ve not introduced you to my family, it’s not because I don’t love you it’s just… after Michael…” Callum brought his other hand to rest on top of Ben’s at the mention of the other man, letting him know without words that he was listening. Ben felt himself relax, the tension he held at the mere thought of Michael dissipating with a touch from Callum. “My counsellor thinks it would be good for them to meet you…. I’d like you to meet them”. Callum smiled brightly to himself, feeling pleased that Ben felt safe enough to let his past and present meet. “I’d like that too Ben”. 

Ben arranged to go to his mums house the following night, not letting her know in advance he was bringing somebody but instead wanting to keep the situation casual with just her there. He knew that if he told her he was bringing a guy home it would turn into a big family event with more questions and prying into his life than he was ready to answer. After going through the whole meet the family thing with Michael he wanted this to be more low-key without the pressure of everyone being there, just him, his mum and Callum. Nice and quiet and not overwhelming. 

Ben got to his mum’s house on time but Callum was running late so he decided to go in without him, texting him to let him know. It was a big mistake. He walked in through the kitchen and entered the living room to be be confronted with his mum, Jay, Lola and sitting in the armchair with his back to him was Michael. Ben’s heart plummeted and he felt as though someone had walked over his grave. “Hi love” Kathy said as she saw him walk into the room, not noticing how tense Ben was. When Michael heard Kathy’s greeting he stood up and turned round to look towards him, taking a couple of steps forwards. 

“What’s he doing here?” Ben managed to get out, nodding his head towards his ex and looking his mum inquisitively in the face. Jay stepped forwards then and interjected, “we know how much you’ve been missing him Ben. The way you’ve been acting lately, the drinking… we’ve not seen you for a month, you’re always out with a different guy” Ben looked at Jay in shock and Lola continued, “we’re worried about you and thought if you both sat down and talked things through you could sort it out.” She smiled at him hopefully, “you were so good together Ben, and Michael misses you too.”

Ben was torn between feeling guilty and being angry at the situation. He’d frozen his family out and not let them know what had been happening, and they were worried about him, thinking he was out drinking and sleeping around again. But now they had brought Michael back into his life when he’d been free of him. He’d been doing so well with the counselling and things with Callum had been amazing. He could feel it all slipping away from him with the hopeful smiles of those he loved most being directed towards him. 

Michael stepped forwards until he was right in front of Ben and he was aware that all eyes were on them. He reached his arm out and put his hand on Ben’s shoulder and felt the other man twitch at the touch. “Baby”, Ben flinched slightly but Michael persisted, “I know we didn’t leave things in a good place, but I still love you and think we should give it another go”. Ben was stunned into silence, completely lost for words at the situation. He looked at Michael’s face and saw the man he loved once looking back at him. The man that had gazed at him with sparkling eyes and a friendly smile as he asked him out on a date for the first time. The man that held him after they made love, the first time Ben had had something more than just sex with someone. The person he once thought that he was going to spend the rest of his life with. 

It was hard, trying to separate the man he loved from the man he hated, the line between them was invisible to the eye and blurred together seamlessly. But Ben had to remind himself that he couldn’t have one without the other. Yes sure, Michael could be gentle and kind but he was also hard and cruel. His family were all still watching them and Ben was just about to open his mouth to say something when there was a knock at the kitchen door. Ben wanted to go and answer it but his feet didn’t want to move and he started to feel panicked, the casual introduction of Callum to his mum had gone to shit and he was scared of what was about to happen. He couldn’t open his mouth to tell Jay to not go open the door and before he knew it, Callum was walking in through the kitchen and staring at Ben and Michael who were looking cosy with the family.

Michael was facing the door and saw when Callum walked in, his hand instinctively tightened on Ben’s shoulder, anger and a sense of proprietary bubbling up inside him. “Really Ben?” He bit out, eyes snapping back to Ben’s face, “I knew you were cheating on me, I knew it! but you kept denying it”. Out of the corner of his eye Ben he could see the disappointed looks coming across his family’s faces thinking he was the one to blame and he’d ruined the relationship. Maybe he was. Maybe Michael was right all along and he didn’t try hard enough to be a better boyfriend. Ben tried to shake the familiar thought out of his head, he’d been working so hard with his counsellor to overcome that way of thinking. 

Callum was distraught, his mind went from ‘why is Ben with him’ to ‘he has his hand on Ben’ in seconds and all he wanted was to go over there and rip his arm off of Ben’s shoulder. He didn’t though, aware that Ben’s family knew very little of what happened and didn’t want to betray his boyfriend’s confidence. Ben seemed to be frozen to the spot though and he was still looking in Michael’s direction. Callum’s heart was beginning to hurt seeing Ben there, seemingly shrinking in on himself with Michael’s angry face in front of him and his vicious hand digging into his skin. He wondered to himself how many times Ben had suffered that in private before.

Nobody else seemed to notice what was happening, they were all too interested in the information that Ben had been cheating to realise his face was beginning to grimace in pain from Michael’s nails beginning to cut into his flesh. Jay was stood next to Callum in the doorway, “you cheated with him?” he said incredulously as he pointed to Callum, Lola jumped in, “why Ben, things were so great with you guys” she asked sadly. Kathy just stood looking disappointed. 

“I swore I didn’t cheat Mike” Ben said, and Michael smiled to himself at the use of his shortened name, “and I meant it. Nothing happened between me and Callum until we were over”. The smile was wiped from Michael’s face at Ben’s admission that there was something between them. “I knew it” he said as his anger started to spill over and he wanted to smack Ben’s face. Instead he turned his attention on Callum, that smug bastard was the reason for everything, if it hadn’t been for him, Ben would still belong to him.

He let go of Ben’s shoulder and went to walk towards Callum, his fist clenched and ready to spring forward, but Ben grabbed hold of his arm, “you’re not listening” Ben shouted at him and for the first time Michael stopped and listened to him without throwing punches in response. “Me and Callum have only been dating for a month. I never cheated on you Michael, we were over. I loved you, but I don’t anymore”. Ben explained as calmly as he could considering the situation. Callum watched the exchange and his heart swelled, he was so proud of the way Ben was handling everything and not only sticking up for him, but more importantly himself. 

“Are you and him together now? He’s your boyfriend?” Kathy asked Ben as she pointed towards Callum, Ben looked to his mum and nodded his head as he smiled. While Ben was distracted by his mum, Michael launched himself towards Callum, intending to punch him, but Ben was still holding on to his arm and the movement sent him off balance, and as Michael moved forwards Ben fell to the ground with his head smashing onto one of the dining chairs, splitting open the skin on his forehead on a sharp corner. 

Ben was unaware of what happened after that, he only heard the commotion of people shouting and the rustle of bodies clashing. He was a little woozy from where he banged his head and struggled to stand back up, clinging onto the chair he had fallen against for some stability. He felt a hand on his arm, somebody trying to help him back to his feet, and he focused on the doorway to the kitchen. Callum had Michael pinned up against the door frame, grabbing onto his collar and shouting in his face with Jay behind him, trying unsuccessfully to pull him off. 

All Ben could hear was fuzzy sound, not quite understanding what was being said or what was happening, but he saw Callum about to punch the other man and he shouted “Stop!”. Callum’s hand froze before it made contact with Michael’s face and he turned his head to Ben, surprised to hear his voice. “Let him go Cal” Ben said and Callum looked at him confused. Ben stumbled over to where the other men were stood and put his hand on Callum’s shoulder, looking him in the eye and saying “he’s not worth it, please, just leave it”, pleading with his eyes for Callum to back down.

Callum nodded at Ben and lowered his hand, the anger leaving him once he saw the vulnerability in his boyfriend’s request. Ben then looked at Michael and told him to leave, “we’re done Michael, I’m in love with someone else so just go”. Callum had loosened his grip on the other man’s collar and after pausing for a minute to look at Ben one last time, he turned and left, slamming the kitchen door shut behind him. Ben felt his body relax and his legs started to shake, Callum sprung into action and reached forwards to grasp him by his elbows, and helped to direct him over to the armchair in the corner of the room, making sure he was safely settled before asking for someone to get him a wet cloth. 

Jay went to the kitchen to grab a clean tea towel from the drawer and ran it under the tap before squeezing out the excess water and taking it back in to give to Callum who was crouched on the floor next to Ben with his hand on his knee. Callum touched the damp towel to Ben’s head and he flinched slightly at the cool contact. He was staring into space and seemed slightly in shock. Callum was reminded of when he found him in the en suite, spaced out and not being able to focus properly on him. 

Jay, Lola and Kathy were stood watching Callum tend to Ben. They were all in shock too by the events of the evening. None of them had ever been witness to Michael’s anger before and they weren’t expecting him to react in that way to Callum. When Callum had him pinned up against the door he was shouting “don’t you ever lay a finger on him again or so help me God…” at him but nobody had a clue what it was about though and Kathy had been trying to help Ben back to his feet so was more concerned with her son’s wellbeing than watching the macho display. They assumed that Callum was possessive, wanting to make sure Michael got the message that he and Ben were together now. 

As far as everyone else was aware the whole situation was a messy break up and overlapping new relationship, none of them were that surprised and it was more believable that Ben had cheated given his patchy history of one night stands and hooks up than most explanations, especially adding that to Ben’s short temper and constant fighting. Ben had been knocked over by accident in the commotion and none of them had any reason to think otherwise, as far as they were concerned Callum was the violent one, slamming Michael up against the door frame.

But as Callum wiped at Ben’s face with the towel and was stroking gently at his cheek he was whispering to him, “shhhh it’s ok Ben, he’s gone, he can’t hurt you”. Callum pulled the cloth away from the cut and checked on the wound which was still bleeding and he put it back to the cut to try and stem the flow, “he’s gone Ben, you’re ok now”. Callum’s continuous litany of reassurance seemed to get through to him and Ben managed to focus on his boyfriend’s face and started to come back to himself.

The audience were quiet, still not realising what had happened and were confused by Callum’s words. “What do you mean Michael can’t hurt Ben anymore? It was an accident” Lola stepped forward to ask, she noticed the small flinch of Ben’s body at the mention of Michael’s name though and had a sudden sinking feeling in her stomach. “Ben what does he mean?” She asked trying to understand. Jay and Kathy looked toward Lola, trying to work out what she was asking and not getting it either. 

Ben’s body was shaking slightly, part shock and part nervousness of everything coming out. The secret he had kept for well over a year felt like it was too big to hide anymore, no matter how much he wanted it to keep it under wraps, the thought of his family thinking of him as weak or a victim was churning his insides up. He looked to Callum, his head was throbbing and he was feeling sick, from the bang on the head or the situation he couldn’t tell, and he shook his head gently, telling Callum that he didn’t want to talk about it and letting him know he didn’t want him to say anything either. 

“Ben, none of this is your fault, you have nothing to feel bad about” Callum whispered low enough that nobody else could hear it. Ben looked at him with tear filled eyes, still not fully able to focus on his boyfriend’s face, pleading with him to just let it go. Callum listened to the silent plea and nodded his head sadly, wanting to do whatever Ben wanted to do. “Ben love what was all that about” Kathy said over Callum’s shoulder, she had walked up behind him and was stood close enough to see how shook up her son really was. Ben looked between his mum and Callum’s face, the concern in his mum’s face offset by the calm in Callum’s. 

Ben put his hand up to where Callum’s was still holding the tea towel to his forehead and brought it down to his lap where he held onto it for stability and to try and ground himself. He briefly looked from his mum’s face to that of Lola and then Jay before looking back at Callum for reassurance and his boyfriend smiled at him. Ben closed his eyes and took a deep breath before speaking. 

“Michael used to hit me” Ben announced quietly, scared to say it too loudly. 

His family all just looked at him as if he had spoken in gibberish, not understanding since Ben and Michael always seemed so happy together and their brains were unable to process the information. Ben opened his eyes to the silent room and he felt the floor opening up beneath him, feeling as though he was jumping out of a plane without a parachute and that sense of dread in his stomach as he was plummeting towards the ground at speed with no hope of being saved. But then he felt Callum’s hand on his, the warmth reminding him he wasn’t alone in this and he felt calmer. 

Callum stood up and moved to sit on the arm of the chair, resting an arm around Ben’s shoulders while returning the cloth to Ben’s still bleeding head. Ben looked at his mum who was still looking confused, “what do you mean he hit you?” She asked, trying to make sense of it. Ben flipped, sick of it all, hiding things for so long, feeling ashamed and embarrassed all of the time. Over a year of hiding everything and when he finally said the words out loud people weren’t listening to him so he stood up, brushing Callum’s hands off of him and wavering slightly with the rush of blood as he moved. 

“What do you think I mean” he said incredulously as he waved his arm around, “He. Hit. Me.”. He said again as he looked from his mum, to Lola and then Jay punctuating each word by hitting himself on the chest. Callum, stood and put his hand on Ben’s, stopping him from hurting himself. Nobody was saying anything and it was driving Ben crazy, he was starting to realise why he never said anything before and he began to wonder if the way his family were looking at him now was worse than keeping silent after yet another punch from his ex. 

He turned to storm out of the room. Callum’s hands falling away as he moved and drew level with Jay as he went to walk through the kitchen. “He hurt me” Jay stated and Ben stopped. “What?” He said confused. “That night you got drunk in the Vic..”, Ben was still confused, he remembered very little after the third or fourth vodka, “I helped you home, you said you didn’t miss Michael and he hurt you”. Ben almost looked as though the words had hit him in the same way a punch would have, shaking his head and taking a small step back. “I thought you meant he hurt you when he ended it, but you meant he actually physically hurt you didn’t you” Jay finished, finally understanding and hating himself for not realising earlier. 

“Ben” Lola said as she stepped over to stand next to Jay, her eyes were filling with tears and she reached a shaky hand out to take Ben’s hand in her own, drawing to close to her and holding it tight. Ben looked to her and then Jay before he nodded, confirming Jay’s statement. His friends looked distraught and Ben hated that he made them look so upset and he felt guilty, wishing he could take it back. It was all his fault, he stayed with Michael and put up with the beatings and now his friends were suffering as a result. 

“Your broken arm” Kathy asked as she walked over to join the group, “it weren’t a bar fight was it” she asked. Ben shook his head, “None of it was bar fights mum” he answered and Kathy’s hand went to her mouth. “How long?” Jay asked, Ben looked ashamed before answering “about a month after we started dating” he admitted and all three of them looked shocked. “But you seemed so happy, how could you stay with him if he was doing that” Lola asked genuinely confused. That wasn’t the Ben she knew, he was all mouth and confidence, how could he let someone hurt him and not say anything… “I loved him” Ben said as if it was obvious. 

Callum came up behind Ben and said his name to let him know he was there before gently putting his hands on Ben’s shoulders, “sweetheart your head is still bleeding, you might need to go to the hospital”. Ben felt relief, glad that Callum was giving him an out from the situation and he grabbed a hold of it with both hands. He nodded his head and agreed. His family wanted to know more about what happened, but Ben wasn’t ready to talk about it, especially not when his head was banging, “can we talk about this later please” he said as he looked at each of them. They all nodded looking slightly shaken by the news they had just found out but not wanting to push him.

“I’m so sorry love” Kathy said as he leaned in to give Ben a kiss on the cheek, “I invited him here, I would never…” Ben cut in, “it’s not your fault, you didn’t know” he reassured her. He smiled at her and then the other two before turning to Callum and saying they should go. Kathy touched Callum’s arm before they turned to go and said, “look after him for me” and he nodded back at her. They walked out of the room, leaving the distressed looking faces of Ben’s loved ones behind them. When they were outside Ben let out a breath, feeling like he could breath again without everybody looking at him. “Lets go back to mine” Ben suggested but Callum looked at him funnily, “Nah Ben, I wasn’t joking, you need some stitches in that” Callum said as he brought his hand back up to Ben’s face, “it’s still bleeding and I’m worried about concussion”. Ben wanted to argue but he didn’t have the energy, he knew he was defeated so he nodded his agreement and let Callum call for a taxi while they walked into into the middle of the square to take a seat and wait.

Ben curled into Callum’s side and enjoyed the feeling of being safe, tucked under Callum’s arm with his hand stroking his thigh. The stress of recent events and the head injury making him feel sleepy, so he shut his eye and let himself be held with the feeling of Callum’s chest breathing in and out making him feel relaxed. 

When the taxi arrived Callum nudged at Ben to wake him up, but he didn’t stir. Callum shook him a little harder and Ben still didn’t wake up so Callum started to panic. He shook at Ben more forcefully and the younger man finally blinked open his eyes, very slowly and sleepily, not quite fully awake and barely focusing on his surroundings. He kept wanting to go back to sleep though so Callum had to drag him to his feet to get him going, Ben opened his eyes and with the support of his boyfriend made it into the taxi. On the drive to the hospital he kept dropping off and Callum was really worried, willing the driver to hurry up and to get Ben to a doctor as soon as he could. 


	3. Chapter 3

Ben had to spend the night in the hospital, the doctors were concerned about his drowsiness and thought that he might have a concussion so wanted to keep an eye on him. He’d needed a few stitches in his forehead as Callum predicted, and there was a big bruise swelling up around it. After a night of observation, they were happy for him to go home, so Callum went to the hospital in a taxi to collect him even though Ben insisted he would be fine to get a cab home alone. Ben hadn’t told his family about the night in the hospital as there seemed little point worrying them for such a short stay, even though they had all messaged him to check on how he was. 

When they got back to Ben’s flat Callum put the kettle on while Ben went and looked in the mirror in the hallway. He examined his face and saw the Ben from six months ago staring back at him. The Ben who had been punched for not answering his phone fast enough, the Ben whose eyebrow was split open for making a joke that Michael took the wrong way. He looked at the small scar on his cheek, the result of the last time Michael had hit him and one of the only permanent physical reminders he had of the man. It looked bright and obvious to him right now even though it had faded and was barely noticeable. The new cut and bruise on his face reminded him of how he’d looked for the 15 months he was with Michael and he thought about how much time he spent in pain or feeling worthless during that period.

He looked away from the mirror, finding the memories too painful but Callum came up to stand behind him, pulling Ben back so he was resting up against his chest with his arms wrapped around the smaller man’s body. Ben put his hands on Callum’s which were clasped together over Ben’s stomach. Callum told him to look in the mirror, encouraging him to look at himself again.

“You know what I see?” He said to Ben

“A victim” 

“No”, Callum corrected, “strength”

Ben chortled to himself, knowing Callum was wrong. He’d been a victim his whole life, even if he hadn’t wanted to admit it to himself. His dad, step mum, school bullies and Michael, they all knew what he was, how weak and pathetic he was, and so do his family now. Callum couldn’t see it but Ben knew that given time, he would too. Ben wanted to turn away from the mirror, the sight of himself was making him angry and he wanted to punch himself in the face right now. No wonder Michael beat him up so often if that was what he saw. 

“You’re strong Ben”

Ben felt his hand clenching together to form a fist, he was feeling more and more anger the longer he looked at himself. His fist seemed to be forming of its own accord and before he knew what he was doing he was swinging it into the mirror. The glass shattered but mainly stayed in the frame, just a couple of shards fell out and landed on the floor. Callum jumped slightly at the action but kept his arms around Ben for reassurance. Ben saw his cracked reflection, broken and fragmented just like how he felt.

“You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met”

Then Ben started to cry. He turned himself around in Callum’s arms and buried his face in the taller man’s neck while he breathed out deep painful sobs. Callum just tightened his arms around him and stroked his back, trying to soothe and comfort his boyfriend the best he could. There was nothing he could say or do, these thoughts and feelings were Ben’s own, and now he had told his family about the violence he wasn’t able to keep up the facade any longer, there was nothing to stop the emotions from spilling out.

“You amaze me Ben” 

Ben’s body was shaking from the sobs. 

“I’m in awe of you”

While Ben cried, Callum held him, rubbing his back comfortingly, and soon the sobs started to subside and it felt like Ben was able to start to compose himself again. He pulled his face away from Callum’s neck, leaving a big damp patch behind, and took a step back as Callum allowed his arms to loosen. They were far enough apart for them to look each other in the face. Ben’s was puffy and damp, he had a line on his cheek from it being pressed up against the material of Callum’s shirt and his eyes were red and glistening, still looking tearful. Callum’s eyes were also tearful, upset by the pain his boyfriend was in he couldn’t help but cry a little bit too. He looked down into Ben’s face and leaned in to kiss him, just a chaste kiss on the tip of his nose, but it made Ben smile at the ridiculousness of it. 

“I love you Ben” 

Ben smiled and reached his hands up, placing them on Callum’s cheeks and pulling his face down placed a kiss on his nose too, Callum laughed and caught Ben’s mouth in a kiss in return. It was gentle and full of feeling and Ben made a little moan at the action. Ben kissed him back and then pulled back to look at him before slipping his arms around Callum and hugging him close, Callum’s arms closed in tight around Ben in response and he kissed the top of his head. 

“I love you too”. 

Later that day Ben was curled up asleep on the sofa with a blanket over him. After he had the breakdown he’d called his counsellor and had been able to get an emergency appointment with her. Callum had quickly checked out Ben’s hand before they left and was pleased to see there weren’t any cuts on it, just a little bit of bruising. Callum sat outside the room in the waiting area, he never encroached on the privacy Ben needed while talking through his thoughts, he was just there ready to comfort him if he needed it when he came back out. The talking at the session had taken it out of Ben so by the time they got back to the flat he went to sleep pretty much as soon as he laid down with the pretence of watching a movie. While Ben slept Callum cleaned up the small bits of glass on the floor and took down the broken mirror ready to take them out to the bin outside. 

While he was out getting rid of the glass, Kathy spotted him and walked over to talk. Besides the text she had back the previous day Ben hadn’t replied to her messages or answered her calls. Callum braced himself as Kathy came over, he didn’t want to say anything to her that Ben wouldn’t want her to know. “We haven’t actually met properly yet have we” she said as she stepped up next to him, “I’m Ben’s mum, Kathy” she introduced herself, “you’re Callum right?”and he nodded to confirm. “How’s Ben doing?”. Callum wasn’t sure what to say. “Yeah he’s OK. He had to have a couple of stitches for the cut, but he’s OK” he settled on after having a quick think about what was safe to say. Kathy didn’t seem surprised by the mention of a hospital trip and didn’t ask anything else about it. 

“How didn’t I know Michael was hurting him?” She asked looking genuinely distraught. Callum felt torn, on the one hand he felt bad that she was feeling guilty, but he was also angry that she hadn’t worked it out. He didn’t know how her and the rest of them didn’t realise what was happening but he guessed that if you didn’t know what to look for, you didn’t see it. “He didn’t want anybody to know, he hid it Kathy, don’t blame yourself” he tried to reassure her and she smiled at him as she recognised the kind gesture of trying to make her feel better. “If and when he wants to tell me about it, tell him to call me. He’s never been good at sharing his feelings and I don’t want him to feel pushed into anything. I’m here for whatever he needs to talk to me about.” Kathy reached out and touched Callum’s elbow, “look after him for me will you” she asked, Callum nodded and then he gave the older woman an understanding hug. She smiled back at him as she turned to leave, “you seem really kind Callum, he deserves that” and then she walked back over the square. 

Callum sighed and went to go back into the flat, Ben was still asleep with Guys and Dolls playing away it to itself on the tv, ‘I’ll know’ was singing around the room and Callum thought it was appropriate considering how he felt about Ben, he knew the moment he set eyes on him that they were meant to be, he was definitely the Sky Masterson type. He walked over to where Ben was sleeping and moved the cushion out from under his head, manoeuvring himself to slide in and replace it with his leg. Ben stirred and opened his eyes, looking to see what had disturbed him, but when he saw it was Callum he smiled and settled his head back down, bringing his hand up to rub at Callum’s thigh, the movement seeming natural even while half asleep, and closed his eyes again. Callum moved his hand to stroke Ben’s hair and the other man moved his head towards the touch, enjoying the gentle intimacy. 

“Go back to sleep sweetheart, everything’s ok. You’re OK” Callum said softly as he continued to stroke Ben’s hair and felt his own eyes beginning to close. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok last chapter. This might be the end, who can tell. The EE blackout until September is going to be tough so filling it in with writing might be the best way to get through it 😂.

Ben tried to avoid talking about Michael but over the next few weeks his mum, Jay and Lola all attempted to bring the subject up at different points. They had the best of intentions but the sad looks on their faces whenever they tried to ask just made him feel guilty and he didn’t want to tell them all the painful details and make them feel worse. After giving them some basic information he told them he had a counsellor and he was doing OK. And he really was as well. After his breakdown in the flat and the session he had immediately afterwards he felt like he was turning a corner. It wasn’t helping him to have to relive things over and over whenever his family asked him something so he put his foot down over the subject, instead waiting for his appointments to talk about his experiences. 

His family did as Ben wished and tried to not bring it up, knowing that Ben would only talk about it if he wanted to, pushing him to open up was only going to push him away. None of them wanted him to think that they weren’t there for him and if he needed their help in the future for any reason they didn’t want him to feel isolated again. Ben had shared what he felt comfortable with and they agreed to back off, even if they all needed to know more for their own peace of mind. 

They took to talking to each other a lot, remembering all the times they saw Ben with a fat lip, a black eye or a bruise on his face and believed whatever flimsy excuse Ben had told them. And they remembered to their shame all the times they saw him injured and never bothered to ask what happened, attempting to imagine the silent pleading they missed in Ben’s eyes, trying to ask for help without saying it out loud. The guilt lay heavy in their hearts and they wished they could turn the clocks back and save Ben from having to live through the experiences he did.

Ben made it clear to his family that he didn’t want Phil to know about what happened. He was already harbouring feelings of inadequacy in regards to not being good enough for his father, he really didn’t want to admit that he’d been unable to defend himself and stayed with a violent partner for so long. Luckily he didn’t have much of a relationship with him since he had moved into his own flat a couple of years ago, just running into him now and then when Phil needed to know something about the business. His dad was never interested in his boyfriend’s anyway, he still had a problem with Ben’s sexuality and he was happy to pretend that part of Ben didn’t exist. He had only met Michael once in the whole time they were dating and even then he barely acknowledged the man as anything other than someone that Ben knew. It was easy to keep the the information from Phil because he genuinely just didn’t care to know or ask.

Since Phil had no interest in Ben’s relationships, he had no desire to meet Callum, and Ben certainly didn’t want to introduce him either. He wanted to keep him away from the toxicity of Phil Mitchell. Callum was nothing but good and pure and Ben didn’t want to taint him by letting him within fifty yards of his dad. They did arrange an evening at Ben’s mum’s though for them to meet Callum properly, without Phil obviously. Over the last few weeks they had seen him fleetingly, coming and going from Ben’s flat with a quick hi and bye. Early on they tried to ask him about Ben and Michael but Callum said in no uncertain terms that he wasn’t willing to talk about it without Ben’s permission, and they all knew Ben’s opinions on what he did and didn’t want to talk about. Callum was apologetic, but it was reassuring to Kathy that Ben had someone fighting his corner and was so willing to go stand by his wishes. 

It was Kathy’s idea to have a family dinner, she wanted to make Callum feel welcome and wanted to get to know the man that had changed her sons life for the better. Everybody knew the topic of conversation that was banned from the evening, especially as Ben’s brother Ian and nephew Bobby would be there as well and they knew nothing of what had been going on. Ian simply rolled his eyes at the information that Ben was bringing his new boyfriend around, commenting on how fast he jumped from Michael’s bed to this new guy’s. Kathy had to restrain herself from slapping him around the back of the head and warned him to not make any snide comments. 

Ben and Callum were getting ready to head over to his mum’s. Callum had pretty much been staying with Ben every night, just popping back to his bedsit every few days to grab a few bits and his post and he’d only slept at his own flat twice in the last few weeks. Neither one of them felt ready to talk about the fact they were pretty much living together but were happy to continue the way things were. There was a safety net about the fact Callum still technically lived somewhere else and it made Ben feel like he had the option of space if he needed it. Not that he ever asked Callum to go home at any point though, quite the opposite in fact. When Callum went home Ben felt lonely, feeling small in an empty bed at night. He’d lay and look at the space Callum should be in, closing his eyes and imagining he was laying opposite and looking back at him. Ben reached over and grabbed at his phone to text the other man, not having anything to say other than ‘I miss you’. 

Ben never lived with Michael, he stayed over a lot, but Ben had never given him a key to his flat. Ben was used to being by himself most of the time, he used to enjoy the solitude of living alone. It used to be exhausting sometimes, spending time with his ex, trying to remember what not to do to avoid pissing him off or making him angry. It wasn’t always bad, there were times when they were happy and they’d spend the morning in bed and the afternoon snuggling on the sofa. Towards the end though things were more tense, the nice days happened less and less and Ben couldn’t wait for Michael to go back to his own flat. 

But with Callum it felt like all the days were good days. They’d wake up in the morning twisted up together, no possessive hand slung across Ben, but rather Ben wrapped around Callum’s back with his leg thrown over one of Callum’s. When they opened their eyes they’d turn to face each other and just look, blinking awake and taking in more of each other’s features with each flutter of their eyelids, the light streaming in through the gap in the curtains bringing more colour to both of their faces. Ben felt truly happy, not the happy he thought he was before. 

When Kathy suggested the family meal Ben got worried, the last time he’d attempted to introduce his boyfriend to his mum it ended badly and he was nervous of how it would go if they tried again. But Callum reminded him it was different this time. Ben’s family knew about Callum properly, they’d already chatted a few times and this was merely the formal introduction. It also took the pressure off that everybody knew where they stood in regards to bringing up a certain subject. Nobody had asked him a question about Michael for a while and Ben was finally able to start to relax and feel less tense each time he saw a family member. 

Ben was looking at himself in the new mirror in the hallway. After the incident with the previous one the wall sat empty for a week before Ben announced he wanted to go buy a new one. They were intending to go get a generic plain one from a homeware shop but they happened upon a bric n brac shop and found an old mirror sitting outside on the pavement. It was nothing special, a bit dusty and missing a piece of the ornate frame, but it seemed perfect and when Ben got it home it fit into the space like it was made to be there. Looking into it now Ben saw himself in it properly for the first time in a long time. He was much like the mirror, vulnerable and a bit broken but he could live with that because wasn’t everybody, it was just levels of broken and how people dealt with it. 

Callum came up behind him to look in the mirror over his shoulder, he smiled at Ben in the reflection and checked out his own hair but upon noticing a mark on the glass he reached out to scratch at it to try and get it off. The mark remained untouched, it turned out to be a little chip and wasn’t going anywhere. Callum pulled his hand away and looked back at Ben, the pair of them locking eyes and giving each other a shy smile, “perfect” Callum commented before giving Ben a kiss on the cheek and turning away. Ben looked at the chip Callum had noticed and then looked back at himself, knowing that despite his ‘chips’ and self perceived imperfections, Callum loved him just the way he was and he felt a warm feeling wash over his body.

  
“C’mon sweetheart, we’re going to be late for your mum’s dinner” Callum shouted as he grabbed his keys, including the one to Ben’s flat that he was given earlier that day and opened the front door. Ben took one more look in the mirror before heading out the door after Callum, shutting it behind him and catching up to him on the pavement outside the flat. Callum held his hand out and Ben joined their hands together before using his other hand to place on Callum’s cheek and pull his face down to his level. Ben touched his lips to his boyfriend’s and felt Callum kiss him back, just for a moment before Ben was pulling back and asking, “you ready then babe?” as he smiled at his boyfriend, feeling genuinely happy for the first time in his life and Callum nodded, smiling back. They walked hand in hand across the square as the sky was glowing a beautiful shade of pink with the setting sun and the clouds formed an abstract heart above the Walford skyline. 


End file.
